i feel like dancin'...

just got back from the dr's. no surgery will be necessary.

that's spelled R-E---L-E-A-F, as in what all but the tallest trees around here have done with the advent of spring...i feel like a brand new person. (yes, i've been extremely worried about that possibility since my last visit. please feel free to dance, holler, and/or cry out with joy at any time.)

she also said the sublex fractures at c5-6 and c6-7 were finally beginning to noticeably heal and i probably have only 4-6 more weeks of wearing the neck brace. suh-weet.

i guess all the wild and crazy sex i've been havin' hasn't hurt anything, after all. ahahahahahaha.

wanta know what else i liked about the appointment? i didn't mind all the hours of waiting because i found a wired magazine in the waiting room. i'd never read one before, but i'm hooked. i learned enough interesting stuff to...well, enough to fill a magazine, i guess. it sure beats the hell outta the usual dr's office fare of people and us.

after the cut i'll announce the winner of the sitemeter referral contest...

i changed my mind. i'll do it in a separate post...i'm busy silently crying and celebrating right now. if i could dance i would. Read more!

let's see...

who can i offend now? hmm...



this one from boingboing cracks me up. and as usual, the comments are at least as funny as the article.

how 'bout these pics my sister sent me from the web?...




(i think i'll call that last one the HOTD.)

or this one from this dark roasted blend post...



can you say, "christvertising"? say what?!?

this one is only maybe offensive if you're an inveterate shoppaholic. maybe...
the transparent toaster???

and last, but by no means least, here's something else from boingboing. gem sweaters??? oh my.





Read more!

2 sad stories - 1 *happy* ending

when i went to mom's yesterday she was sitting on the couch with several large, old, photo albums in her lap. i asked her where they came from. she didn't know. she said they were the ones we'd been looking at that morning. i went along with it for a while before asking if she'd seen her brother john lately. she looked at the books and laughed at herself for thinking that was me who'd come to visit just 2 hours, or 2 minutes, before. then we sat together and looked through them. and that was awesome.

i call that a happy ending.

i'd love to scan and post a bunch of them for this blog and HOTD. one day i will. the photos are all 120-70 years old. of her and her brother and of their extended family. man! they were really into hats and bonnets back then. and more hats.

so i guess as sad and rapidly progressive her dementia is, it's *ok* in a way. we can still laugh about it and we can still enjoy those photos together. that's much better than anything i have to say about the next sad story...

goin' on 6 years now. our war in iraq. no end in sight. more death, injury, loss and displacement to come. for years and years. al-qaeda in iraq. civil war. $$$ wasted. sadness. no happy ending i can see. no end in sight.

as i wrote here 5 months ago in *i'm the serious guy*, i guess i'll have to keep that picture of myself in the sidebar for a while longer. that makes me sad, too.

and don't you dare think for a moment i don't respect and honor our troops. just keep it to yourself if that's the way you read my disgust with what we've created in iraq. yes, i'm ashamed of my country, but not of our soldiers. if you want to know whom i'd like in position for that *3 a.m. phone call* i'd say maybe a woman (no, not her) or a silver star vet (no, certainly not him) ... but, maybe someone more like this soldier here. i wonder how she'd react.





or maybe any one of these soldiers.
or these or maybe one of these...

i double dog dare you to actually read one of those pages. Read more!

SOTD and other fuzzy photos

fuzzy wuzzy wuz a bear/fuzzy wuzzy had no hair/fuzzy wuzzy wuzn't very fuzzy wuz he?

ahahahahahaha.
that's a little ditty i remember from childhood. did anyone else say that real fast for no particular reason when they were a kid? my sisters and i sure did. i just thought of it for the 1st time in a long, long time when i saw how out of focus this picture i took of Opal was. (see last post to read about opal.)

lots of times when you try to take a *candid* picture of someone, you know how you'll first say, "sMiLE!" ? well i didn't. i just said her name.
she was sweeping up after lunch and when she turned around i snapped the shutter knowing i'd get a worthy *Smile O' The Day* photo.
awesome, huh?

more fuzzy pics after the cut...

this is my friend harold. when you look up *loyal* in the dictionary, his picture will be in the sidebar as a visual description. if it's not, it damn sure should be. i love him even though he is a republican.



his wife lara and me. (hey, i told you they were fuzzy pics...)


COUSIN IT. (it's actually my friend karen, but when i tried to take HER picture, she refused.) karen has pretty hair don't ya think?. and a pretty smile, too. but she's kinda shy...[NOT!]


and harold took a couple of me.



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check-in at VT

i spent many years working closely with various youth groups. in my experience, one of the most valuable group bonding tools was what we called *check-in.* we'd go around the room or the campfire and each person would tell a little about themselves or their week, depending on the situation. the adults in the group would have their moment to speak/share, too. that's a real important element of the group's dynamic. everyone gets to show they're human. everyone shares. everyone bonds.

when i went to visit mom this morning, Opal, an aide in the alzheimer's unit, had everyone gathered in the common room. they were each telling a little about themselves. well, some were - the ones who could remember where they were born, how many kids they had or what they did for a living. it was pretty cool. Opal would prompt them and seemed to know their very personal histories well. i wondered how often they did this exercise. the residents surely weren't aware if they'd ever done it before. hahahaha
learning something new every day has an entirely different meaning to one with alz than it does to the rest of us.

OPAL...

i've always liked her. she's a happy, friendly sort. but i've never known much about her before today. after everyone else had told their stories, she briefly told hers.

17 brothers and one sister. (her mother was a housewife.) 2 daughters and a son who has been in iraq for 4 years. Opal's worked at vickery towers for 13 years. took care of her mother who had alzheimer's for 8 years, 7 months and 8 days. said she'd get off work at 2:00 (she still does) and pick her mom up at adult day care by 2:20 every day. she said it wasn't easy, but she did it til the end. i wanted to hug her right about then.

Opal told mom and the rest of them she wasn't there just to make sure they bathed and ate. she was there to help them bathe and make sure they ate...and to make sure they smiled. she said somethin' like, "laughter's the best medicine you can get." they nodded and i thought how lucky they all were to have a caretaker like her.

then she said something we've all heard before. she said, "smile and the world......cry and you......"

i suspect she's said it a time or two before to the folks in that room because they all responded, filling in the blanks appropriately. and that's not a gimme for one with alz. ya know?
i'll go back later and take opal's picture so i can post it here. i'm guessing her smile will make you feel good, too.

oh &, i almost forgot.
i wasn't there when mom said her piece, but i got a hint of some of what she'd said afterwards when opal came up to me with a big grin and said, "you must be OOPS!"
i said, no ma'am, that's my little brother. i was the youngest of 3 for 15 years before the "oops" came along. Read more!

what day is it?

when you're living life as "the guy on the couch" the days kinda run together. i know it was march the 7th the morning when i went to parkland for another ct-scan. (select portions from the cd may be available for your viewing pleasure on youtube soon.)

the creepy lookin' x-ray they'd taken a couple days before didn't quite jive with the ct-scan taken 5 weeks before that. it seems vertabrae #6 has moved around since then. so they figured it'd be a good idea to wrench me in position for an apples to apples view of what's really goin' on with my neck. in a couple of weeks i'll go back and the doc will hopefully have figured it out and let me know. in the meantime i try not to worry about it.

afterward, i went and hung out with mom. it was about 2:30 in the afternoon when i realized it must be a friday. that's when we heard some commotion in the hallway and discovered the residents were gathering for happy hour. yep. must be friday...

a couple in their 50s were playing easy listening/elevator music. he with electric guitar, she on electric keyboard and a silky smooth voice, their 4 year old daughter waving pom poms and eliciting oohs and smiles from the geezers with her cute-as-a-button-ness.

here's part of the set list from the event:

"you are my sunshine" (a *rousing* sing-along. the room divided to compete for loudest. it sounded like a hundred people whispering.)

"hey good lookin'" (sung to each and every resident, to be sure. big smiles all around.)

"will the circle be unbroken" (an impromptu sing-along with much hand clapping and toe tapping.)

"proud mary" (complete with rolling hand motions practiced by the crowd beforehand.)

"when tear drops fall" (imagine the sappiest version ever...)

"do you want to dance?" **

"my little run away" (linda and joyce danced to this one. linda's the 30 year old boss of the alzheimer's residents. joyce is an 80 year old alz woman. they were really Good!)


** at this point linda asked mom if she wanted to dance. she did. it was awesome. linda kept saying, "quit looking at your feet." they did turns and twirls. mom got the rhythm. mom grinned and stopped looking at her feet. everyone hooted and hollered for her.

mom's much worse off than the last time i saw her just 2 weeks ago. she's lost much more of her memory. it's sad, but this was a moment to cherish. and we did. it's a thin line between blessing and misfortune.

it's at moments like that we find out how much we have to be thankful for.

in the locker room, each team will enevitably invoke the name of god to harbor the skill, luck and heroics to insure success. after the game there is always a winner and a loser.

i can only wonder at the thin line dividing their fortunes.

(photo by zach perkins. cachoeria street, rio, brazil. 2008)

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HOTD

lately this has looked more like an abandoned blog than it really is. i'll start a post and lose interest, or more accurately, lose motivation. this time i set up outside hoping the different locale would spark a different attitude. (as i typed that it started to rain. )

but this time i'm letting my stubborness take over...

[ok, that was written 2 freakin' days ago. after it started sprinkling, i set up back inside. the sun came out again. i went back outside. it rained. now, i'd intended to include several of the 1/2-fleshed posts: the wedding, the silent house, the contest "prize" and more, but let's see if i even finish the HOTD story for now and then we'll go from there. ok?]

so, that picture was taken on valentine's day. the last time i saw mom. over 2 long weeks ago. it's breakin' my heart just to type that. just like the last few times i saw her and left her, i'm crying just thinking about it. no, not because of her condition. simply because i miss her.

back to the photo, rick.

they were having a valentine's party at the alzheimer's unit when my sisters and i went to visit that day. linda, the awesome person in charge of the residents' care, had a trivia game planned for them. to start it off she said, "now everyone put on their thinking caps."

mom nonchanlantly reached for, unfolded, and placed her napkin on her head.
(and that, my friends, is only a tiny part of why i love her.)



guess what? i'm on the bus, on my way to see her now. to take her to vote for her favorite republican and to vote for my favorite democrat myself. i hope to stay a few a days. i'll try my best to keep y'all posted. no promises, though.



whether it makes sense to anyone but myself, the following long-remembered quotation seems apropos to me.

"and the night shall be filled with music / and the cares, that infest the day / shall fold their tents, like the arabs, / and as silently slip away." ~longfellow~

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attention: it's contest time again!

i got an email from annie today:

"Have you ever looked at your stats and seen the search words somebody used that landed them on your blog?

Somebody found me by searching "putting a rubberband around my nutsack."

I bet they were surprised (disappointed?) when they saw the chicken playing with the llama nutsack story."

the funny thing is - uh, well, another funny thing is - i've been thinking about that for the past couple of days. (no, not about the nutsack thing. sheesh. you're such a goober.)

no, yesterday i got a hit on this blog from some deranged person in the bahamas.

they'd googled...
"porn grandmommy."


really?? you mean someone typed those words, together? like on purpose?
ewww.
but here's the 64 dollar question: is that disgusting or just plain ole funny?

i'm goin with both. but the wrong part of it is terribly wronger than the funny part is funnier, don't you think?

and guess what the first result was. yep, that's right. one of my entries. (and that was before this post, of course.) what's more, there were 409 results in google for *porn grandmommy.* not many at all as google hits go, until you consider the actual search words. and to that i say, YIKES!

(the picture up top was the second image result. this one i took was #4. )
hahahahahahaha.

i wish i could remember all the weird, ricockulos, funny, mind-boggling, frivolous, and otherwise bizarre ones i've noticed through my sitemeter, but they've all slipped my mind right now. as i recall them, i will post them in the comment section of this post, along with yours, i hope.

contest rules:

- what rules? just send me the best you've found from your own or someone else's blog. googled words, phrases, image results...whatever. gimme your best shot(s).

prizes?

- prizes may or may not be awarded depending on how hard you make me laugh and scratch my head in wonder and disbelief. discombobulate my sense of all that is right and holy with the human race. make me say, "what in the cornbread hell."







Read more!

the lovely josephine comes to visit

my daughter lives in nacogdoches, but is registered to vote in austin so she drove the 240 miles yesterday to cast her early vote for barack obama. i can remember how empowered i felt the 1st time i was able to vote in a presidential election. good times.

of course the best thing about her visit was just that. her visit. some pics and reflections after the jump...

josephine recently cut her hair and donated it to *locks of love.* yesterday was the first time i'd seen her with her new do. the following is a slide show of stills from yesterday of josephine, my sister, reen, and myself. it's the 1st time i've tried embedding a slideshow, so you're on own negotioating your way through it, but if you can figure a way to flip through the 20 photos at a real fast clip it's almost like being there.



to describe the joy of spending 4 or 5 hours in relaxed conversation with my daughter is beyond my ability. let's just say she's a delight to be with and leave it at that.

another 1st occurred during our visit. i talked about the car wreck, the sounds, the different emotions, the severity and extent of both the accident and the injuries, as well as the healing that has taken place since. sharing details and recalling the experience out loud was cathartic in a way.

thanks, josephine. (and if you have that picture in your computer of you at about 1 year old with peach fuzz for hair, please send. i need to post it.)

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more news from austin and... the DOTD

at scholz garten last night, one of the many places austinites watched the debate on tv, a rowdy crowd created a drinking game. "every time obama says 'change,' 'hope' or 'believe,' you drink. and for clinton? any time she says 'record,' 'experience' or 'mexican food.'"

hahahahahaha. ya think anyone got plastered?

after the official debate clinton and obama went all over town. among other places, clinton went to guero's taco bar and obama went to the austin music hall...

i begged my brother to take me to that one. it wasn't publicized, but we knew it was happening because the brother caters for the bands there. we coulda gotten in, but he was sure we'd also get kicked out. i guess he likes his job or something.

what a chicken - *#!@.

anyway, it turns out obama got up on stage with ray benson, joe ely and a bunch of other musicians and sang "boogie back to texas." kinda reminds me of bill clinton playing the sax on the tonight show. he also played catch with ut's quarterback, colt mccoy, yesterday. (i know, big deal, right?) those pics aren't available to copy for some reason.

tonight there's an obama rally on the state capitol grounds. (if anyone remembers my old blog, that's where i "almost" got a date with amy sedaris.) that should be cool. last time he was here, over a year ago, 15,000 people showed up on the shores of lake austin. i betcha there're at least twice that number tonight.

and now for something completely different.
for you dog lovers, pack your bags and meet me next friday night for yappy hour at my favorite coffee shop, the irie bean. i just love this concept. and the picture is priceless.



now, if this dog would just show up...

Dog O' The Day:


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debates and puzzles. discuss.

the next president of the u.s. and his primary opponent were 5 miles away from here last night. about the most interesting thing about their debate, to me, was the setup. it was held in the university of texas gymnasium which holds about 43,000 people.

over 40,000 applied to attend, but cnn staged it to accomodate 2000. a few hundred university students were included by way of raffle and 100 ordinary citizens were granted entry. the rest? i dunno. pundits and very important poohbahs, i s'pose.

last week in the small east texas town of nacogdoches, the lovely josephine got to shake bill clinton's hand. i'm jealous. i wanted to at least see the visiting dignitaries.

the truth is, they could have filled the 85,000 seat stadium next door had they wanted to.

but it's just as well. the *debate* was pretty boring. sorta like a monday new york times crossword puzzle if you ask me: unique, impeccably structured, but too easy, and as a result, not very interesting. you do it because it's the nyt puzzle, because it's there - not for a challenge. not to learn anything really.



i mean, it's history in the makin', for god's sake. the first black and the first female american presidential candidates with a real chance to hold the office. ever. right here in downtown austin dukin' it out. how exciting is that? i'd have loved to have been there in person.

speaking of the nyt crossword...


my daughter sent me a care package right after my wreck. it was full of tasty treats, and books and stuff. (thanks, josephine)
one of the books is a collection of nyt x-words from 2003. i finished them a few days ago. when i say finished, i really mean i finished the thursday, friday and saturday ones.

i did a few of the monday ones and then started just filling in the theme portions until i got bored with that tact. then i did the rest in my head, without pen as much as possible. i found various ways to make the monday-wednesday ones challenging. or at least interesting. (see what i mean about comparing them to the presidential debate? i mean, i watched the rerun. at least parts of it. but i'm here to tell you...bor-ing. i'll take reruns of mayberry rfd over that piffle any day.)

now, the friday/saturday puzzles in this book were a whole different matter. the third to last one in the book, constructed by randolph ross, and of course edited by the inimitable will shortz, was my favorite by far. here it is:





can you see it?
you see the 4 long answers? 4 down, 24 across, 10 down and 52 across? pretty dang clever, huh?

discuss.

(with clues)



i wish will shortz was in charge of staging the presidential debates. i think he'd do 'em up right. it would be fun to see a *monday night debate* and a *tuesday night debate* and so on. you could definitely fill up the the largest venue anywhere for a *saturday* quality debate. and just think of the advertising revenue, cnn! Read more!

"where the hell are you?" (chris)*

the short version:

-what happened when? ...well, i had a little car wreck a couple weeks ago.
-where are you? ...in stephenville, texas at my sister's house.
-who's house? ...my sister's. she's my *caretaker* for now.
-how are you? ...i'm healing. i'm fine. a-ok.
-why didn't you let us know? ...oh, i dunno. just kinda "private, secretive, untruthful," i suppose.**

and please, no sympathy comments. ok?

a few pics after the cut...

-the car.
they cut the top off to get me out. and then i got a hellicopter ride!

-me.
when my 5 year old nephew 1st saw me after the fact, he said, "Wick, i'm sorwy about youwuh chin." so sweet.

hahahahahahaha.


-a view from the porch in stephenville.


-and a view of the porch.
the nights are so so star-filled it's breath taking. i like it here.

-me and my awesome sister. (photo taken about 6 years younger. how come she doesn't look any older and i do?)


-a therapist came in to the hospital room and asked the guy in the next bed did he know he was gonna be operated on the following day? no.
his legs were broken and he had lots of steel pins sticking out of them. he was being discharged a few days later. she told him she was gonna teach him how to get out of bed without any help so he'd be able to do so when he got home.
he said, "i don't have a home."

not my leg. my legs are fine. not his either. his looked much worse.



me? i may not like it, but i sure am lucky. (anyone up for a game of twister?)


*chris
**an idictment of me made by an ex several years ago. i'm just beginning to come to terms with the truth of it.

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you know you're lame when...

your submissions to CU30S aren't even posted. and you know you're really lame... when you post said losers on your own blog...




(the dolly/rick pic was photoshopped by Dann the Man, the dog drawing came about while tuning my ukelele and asking myself the ageold question, "why are a dog's knees put on backwards," and the captioned photo is just too dumb to even be corny.)

dangit. i sure do miss goofin' around on the computer.

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HOTD and miscellaneous mom stuff...

i think these two of mom cutting out snowflake decorations kinda nicely complement the videos below of the lovely josephine. (long-time readers have or may have already seen the videos. well, that's tough.)

Jo vid


Jo funny vid


this is the lobby i mentioned a few posts back. that's mom's apartment door across the way and to the right.



joe and mary anne circa 1944...


hey! so what happened with the pants story? meh...maybe another time. in the meantime, check out the NEXT BIG THING in internet fun - brought to you by sean the magnificent.
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proud papa

shakin' it up in east texas. (*edited 1-22 )

in my imagination, it's kinda like that DJ on Northern Exposure. remember that show? he always talked it up. he always kept it real. but this is no tv or movie star...

this is my son, sean. he's 23 years old.
he works in a university library.
i'm always very proud of him, but never moreso than i am today.

today he went to work, wrote an email to his boss, the library, and the board of regents, and then he went home.

before sending it out he showed it to his boss who said something like, "but you have an awful lot of work to get done today."
"i'll get it done later," he replied.
(* i didn't show it to my boss, but she did say that i had a lot of work. and i said "want me to do anything really important before i leave?" she said no.)

he told me about this on the phone before i read his email. i have to admit, as a parent i couldn't help but worry a little about *job security.*

after i read his articulate, heartfelt missive, any silly worries i may have had immediately evaporated. i was left with nothing but a sense of overwhelming pride and admiration.
thanks, sean. you're an awesome man.

i've posted his email after the cut.


Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day which commemorates a man and a legacy that still resides within the people who lived through the Civil Rights Movement. Yesterday, I spoke to a man who said he would be volunteering at his church today, because that is what he was doing 40 years ago. I was almost ashamed to tell him that I would be at work. Today is not a day to be belabored in work, nor is it a day to sleep in and watch the Price Is Right. Today is a day when we should remember good people and their sacrifices, a day every American should hold on to, lest we all forget how important our individual choices are.


Today is not just about celebrating Dr. King's life, but about reflecting on the entirety of the Civil Rights movement. Beginning in the early 1900's with the Jim Crow laws and then in 1954 with Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka Kansas, we as a nation began to grapple not just with the blatant and vigorous racism in the south, but with the illegitimacy of the system of institutionalized racism across the entire country.


Since that time, we've certainly come a long way, but not yet long enough. The Movement is not dead, and work continues to be done in the name of equality and tolerance. Recently, Emmit Till's murder case was reopened, and similar cases are being examined to this day. Last year Corretta Scott King died. Two years ago Rosa Parks died. What are we telling our family, children, friends and the rest of the community by working today instead of commemorating, celebrating, or even discussing why Martin Luther King Jr. is a "national holiday"? What happens when no one remembers? When holidays become nothing but symbolic gestures, stripped of actual meaning and purpose? It is our responsibility to treat this day with the respect it deserves. I am going home because I will not disrespect this day and I think it is contemptible for the library to be one of the few institutions to remain open.


On April 3rd, Dr. King gave a speech entitled "I've Been to the Mountaintop." I encourage you to visit http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkivebeentothemountaintop.htm

and either read or listen to Dr. King's speech. If you don't have 45 minutes to listen to one of the greatest speeches in American history, at least spend two minutes reading the end. Dr. King told that congregation in Memphis that he "Like anybody would like to live a long life" and that the "Promised Land" was closer than it had ever been. He said:


"I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!"


He knew that the promised land wouldn't come overnight. He knew that people had tried to kill him, and would try again and again. He knew that "we as a people" didn't mean just black people or white people, and he knew that the promised land would only open it's doors when we as a nation knocked loudly on the gates of justice with respect and unity. This is a message that all Americans, regardless of race, class, religion or gender should be able to support and honor, and that is how I intend to spend this Martin Luther King Jr. day. Dr. King was killed the day after his Mountaintop speech.


I know that a lot of offices are open today, but many more are closed. If you have information on how to make MLK day a non working holiday, or want to get involved, please contact me.

--
Sean B****


Digital Projects Specialist

*********@sfasu.edu

936-***-****
R.W. Steen Library

SFASU


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The Saga of the Pants (part II)

Brought to you Live! from Vickery Towers...that's right folks, still no internet at home, but a friend did send me her old laptop yesterday, so i have a word processor. pretty awesome generous, huh? thanks a million, Annie. i checked on getting it adapted to access the net, but apparently no one supports windows 98 anymore.

Last week's headline news:
~Premature Attackulation in the Persian Gulf Avoided (phew!)
~Presidential Debates Continue (to make few proud to be americans)

and after the break, our lead story...
~Rick Goes Shopping Again


"excuse me, ma'am, i'm looking for some pants for my mom. can you help me?"
"sure, what size does she wear?"
i circle my arms in front of myself, fingertips 8 or 9 inches apart. "Big," i say. "i think she's pregnant."
the sales girl looks at me funny - i'm 56 years old myself - and asks, "have you tried the maternity department?"
"great idea! thanks. where is it?"
"we don't have one."

as patiently as i can muster, "just show me what you've got in size 20 - 24, please."

nearly an hour later i left with the only two pair in the entire store that might possibly fit and went to another store where i wandered around for at least an hour without ever seeing a sales person. the pants there were randomly placed in racks with jackets and shirts all over the place. i felt like a rat in a maze, a fish out of water...choose your own cliché. i imagined i was in a foreign land doomed to roam hopelessly, lost without any way to communicate with the natives (who were apparently invisible) for the rest of my life. at this point i was hoping the rest of my life would be a mercifully short time.

on my way out i passed the underwear department. AHA! maybe i won't have to leave empty handed after all.

30 minutes later i had achieved nothing - other than arrouse the suspicion of the other shoppers. all ladies, of course. i finally got up the nerve to ask one of them where i might find size 20 or so underpants, quickly adding "for my mom."
she was sorting through a rack of really large bras (my favorite) which were clearly too big for her and i was hopeful that she was shopping for her mother, too, and would take pity on me. maybe even offer to be my guide through the jungle of womens' undergarments.

"they don't sell panties that large in a store like this. you'll have to go to a Lane Brant."
"oh. where do i find Elaine?"
"no, Lane Bryant. it's a store that caters to plus size women. there's one in valley view shopping mall."
"thank you ma'am."

i left not only empty handed, but with dread in my gut. Valley View Mall...my worst nightmare - the suburban mall.

to be continued... (probably 2 or 3 installments to go, but it does have a happy ending. well, sort of.)

p.s. you may be wondering why i don't take mom with me to try stuff on. well, i'll tell you why. the last time my daughter, the lovely josephine, and her mom took her shopping it was for shirts. they were mortified when mom came out of the dressing room with no shirt on to look for something else to try on.
and that was 3 years ago! her condition has "progressed" immeasurably since then and besides...i'm talking pants and underpants here, not shirts.
sonny boy ain't goin' there. capiche? Read more!

The Saga of the Pants (part I)

i think mom's pregnant. no, really. she's HUGE. one look at her wardrobe and my suspicion is confirmed. a 1/2 dozen size 14 and 16 pants that fit her just fine a few months ago are now WAY too small for her.

she cut the waistband of one pair of black ones and that's what she wears every single day. when it's time to wash them she has nothing else to wear, so she just doesn't wash them. my formerly fastidious mother says, "oh.? do you wash pants?"

P.U.

the other day i discovered she's snipped the waist of her underpants, too. all of them.

but i guess there's nothin' to worry about really. i mean, any day now i'm sure she'll give birth and then all those 14s and 16s will be back in service again. right? (please tell me i'm right.)


i know you've heard it before: i am not a shopper. so it seemed like a pretty big deal, to me at least, to go to a department store and shop for ladies pants. i came back with every style and color from size 18 to 24 they had. mom was confused as to why she was being asked to try on 8 billion pairs of pants, but she did it. an hour later i was proud of both of us and she had 2 new pairs of pants thet fit her. in the waist, that is. they were still 6" too long. one was made of cotton and had to be washed before being hemmed...

unfortunately, somewhere in "the land of the missing laundry sock" now walks a size 20 pair of lady's pants. i kid you not. gone. poof. just flat disappeared.

no problem. still got the other new ones. she tries 'em on for me to mark the hem for length...
"these are too tight in the waist."
"what!? no way! they fit fine last week." (i'm tellin' ya, she's gotta be preggers.)
"i'll just cut a slit in the waist. that's what i always do."
"no, mom. you're NOT cutting those pants. i'll just go shopping again."

to be continued...panties and all.
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define irony.

of course mom's unable to understand why the elevators are keyed ("i should know that code by now." yeah, riiight...), why she needs an escort to go anywhere, and doesn't remember her dining room is not still downstairs (she's been going to this one 3 times a day for meals and at least once more for some activity or another for 6 months). she has no idea how to get to any of the places we go to downstairs several times a week. she can get lost just thinking about leaving her room, but she still can't get over how dumb it was to have been talked out of having a car. when i came home from austin last week she got a little perturbed, saying, "i'd like to go to austin. if i had my car i'd just drive myself."

now, that's a SCARY thought...

we were sitting on the couch in the 4th floor lobby the other day when Oleta wandered by again. up and down the hallway she walks, always carrying her baby doll close to her chest, often carrying a few random objects she's pilferred on her never ending trek.
i think she's cute. mom thinks she's weird. the truth is she just has alzheimer's.

anyway, Oleta came over and stood behind the couch. we turned to look at her, saying hello. she started speaking unintelligbly, but with apparent purpose. it sounded like she was sharing something important, secret, almost wise - but only in tone. the words weren't exactly gibberish, but they were incoherent and disjointed. mom and i looked at each other bewildered. Oleta walked away.

a slight smile crossed mom's face and she said, "i'm not so sure she should be wandering around."

i smiled back, "oh, i think she's safe here, but i'm sure glad she doesn't have a car."

mom laughed uproariously and said, "now THAT'S a scary thought!"

p.s. if that's not ironic to you, how 'bout this one:
yesterday was martin luther king's birthday. here at vickery towers the evening program was "a tribute to the king." yep, you guessed it...it was all about that other king. elvis.
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thanks for the computer troubleshooting sugesstions annie, joanne, rick (are you the rick who comments on the xword blogs?) and ld, but i'm afraid my computer is toast.

i still hope to someday be able to retrieve at least some of the over 6000 pictures and some of the several dozen word docs of stories and snippets of stories i've written.

probably a third of the photos are irreplacable, having been taken by myself, family or friends. a few dozen more were tediously removed from old (real old) family frames or culled from messy boxes full of old family photos and then scanned. the rest were all just pics i've collected off of the interwebs over the last few years. i'm kicking myself now for not at least using the picassa feature that allows you to post photos to a website. DOH!

the word docs were the few i felt were too good to trash the last time i purged my various attempts at writing fiction. no great loss, but it still hurts.

ah well...maybe the dreaded BSOD is tryin' to tell me to get out in the real world for a change. ya think?

(that image is one i got off the web. i have no idea what the specific whatevers were in the one i actually received.)

more rambles after the jump...

speaking of real people as opposed to cyberpeople, i might have to break down and call an old girlfriend. no, it's not what you're thinkin'. get your mind outta the gutter. she plays in the Dallas Symphony Orchestra and back when we were together i had free tickets to all of their concerts. i just read that tonight the DSO is adding a guitar and vocals to present "The Music of Led Zeppelin: A Rock Music Symphony."
having missed the historic one-night reunion last month (i betcha you did, too), i'm kinda tempted to make that phonecall.

check out this review to find out more:

"Unfortunately, this preview isn't about a last-minute booking of the mighty Led Zeppelin mere weeks after its triumphant reunion gig in London. Still, if that event had you licking your lips for more from one of history's most important rock bands, this gig is for you. "The Music of Led Zeppelin: A Rock Symphony" isn't strictly a rock show, though; it's 18 of Zep's classics performed Trans-Siberian Orchestra-style with a 50-piece ensemble ( drawn from our own Dallas Symphony); a sultry female lead violin player (Allegra, a Trans-Siberian Orchestra veteran); and pedigreed stand-ins on guitar and vocals (Randy Jackson of underrated 1980s rock trio Zebra, which got its start in New Orleans in the late 1970s playing Zep and Rush covers). Would Robert Plant, Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones approve of arranger-conductor Brent Havens' treatment of, say, "Immigrant Song," during which the French horns mirror Mr. Jackson's alto wailing as the violins follow along in a higher octave? Perhaps. No, it won't be like the historic Dec. 10 performance at O2 Arena, much less one of Led Zeppelin's legendary 1970s concerts. But it'll still be powerful."

why not just go buy a ticket, you ask? hahahaha. same reason i'm not gonna *just go out and buy* a new computer, silly.
in the meantime i'll see how long and i can get away with using this public computer at mom's residence. i'll blog a mom post later, but right now i'm feeling a little paranoid about being on it for so long. i'd like to try to catch up on some of y'alls' blogs, too...ok, the security guy just came in as i was typing those words. he didn't say anything, but gave me a funny look. maybe it's ok. we'll see.

oh & one last comment:
WELCOME BACK jon stewart and stephen colbert! i thought they were both hilarious last night. Read more!

where is my magic wand?

dangnabit, i seem to have misplaced it.



if you can find a recording of Eva Cassidy singing this song, i dare say you'll be glad you did.

i'm at the public computer at VT where mom lives right now. sunday afternoon.
when i got home from austin last night i checked 2 or 3 blogs and then started this one about the song, "Oh Had I a Golden Thread." as i was searching for a video of the eva cassidy version my computer freaked out. blue screen with a warning to restart my computer to avoid further damage. yikes!

well, all i could do was shut it off completely as the mouse/keyboard didn't even function. when i turned it on again all i got was a red and white Compaq screen with something like this at the bottom: "esc=boot" (or something) and "F1=set up" (i think). needless to say, still no keyboard function. anyone have any suggestions?
no computer=no good in my book

how ironic is the title to this post considering my ornery computer? the craziest part is, i can't even remember what i was wishing for a magic wand or golden thread FOR.

i'll still have occassional access to this computer, but...what a bummer.


Oh, Had I a Golden Thread

Oh, Had I a Golden Thread
(Pete Seeger)

Oh, had I a golden thread
And needle so fine
I've weave a magic strand
Of rainbow design
Of rainbow design.

In it I'd weave the bravery
Of women giving birth,
In it I would weave the innocence
Of children over all the earth,
Children of all earth.

Far over the waters
I'd reach my magic band
Through foreign cities,
To every single land,
To every land.

Show my brothers and sisters
My rainbow design,
Bind up this sorry world
With hand and heart and mind,
Hand and heart and mind.

Far over the waters
I'd reach my magic band
To every human being
So they would understand,
So they'd understand.

Words and music by Pete Seeger (1958)
(c) 1959 by Stormking Music Inc.

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less is more

i love it. in spite of myself, that non-post broke this silly blog's all time record for hits and comments. holy moses. go figger.
in the meantime so much has happened i have no idea where to start. heck, i can't even remember where or when i left off. maybe i should just begin with today and work backwards and then see what comes out.

t'day i checked my email for the 1st time in a while. lo and behold, i found 3 from the lovely josephine. apparently she lurked through the blog and found one she'd missed and then sent me a couple of cool youtube music videos she knew i'd like.

here ya go. check this one out. (john prine and iris demment singin' *in spite of ourselves*...


(psst. did i say thank you for all the comments and encouragement while i've been on hiatus? no?
well that won't do..."thanks friends.")
maybe i'll include the other video the most beautiful josephine sent me after i try to sketch out the last few days. then again, you know me...maybe i won't.

- last sunday my daughter, the forementioned, most premium and lovely josephine, and i, bid adieu to dallas and hit the road.

- we've been 6 days so far in austin, texas. my brother and his family live here. my sister, reen, too. she lives in the little house out behind theirs.

- new years eve day i went downtown with brother luke and his wife and kiddo to a really fun festival. (i'd bore you with a boatload of pictures, but this is tough. it takes me long enough to figure that stuff out on my own dang computer.) so anyway, my favorite thing was the web all us thousands of people wove from multicolored yarns and then added our hopes and dreams to on little 3x5 cards attached to our own individual strands. my wish simply read, "reen is healed."
if the photo posted, realize you're only seeing a fourth or less of it. it was truly awesome.

- there was street art in the making -- bein' made by us attendees. there were old lady dance teams and younger than i am acting troups. there was lots of live music. at one point we stopped to listen and before i recognized the song in their kid-friendly show, i recognized the faces of the musicians! it was none other than... the Asylum Street Spankers! i'd never seen 'em live before. i felt lucky to be in that place and time. (check out the song on OTIS' page to hear the asylum's kid-friendly booger song....)

- i only made a fool of myself once on new years eve. (well, i think it was only once.)

- at some point my sister, lynn anne the magnificent, showed up. and then the incomparably beautiful josephine's boyfriend arrived with his dog clementine in tow.

- mumblecrust started writin' again. he may post some of it on the mosaicist's blog. it's all hand written though. pen and paper, ya know. no secretary. no dictaphone or typin' skills either. but i'll tell ya one thing right now; it's good stuff. i read it.

-seems we had a family meltdown at some point in there. no details t' share with you other than t' say, "if all else fails, try yer best t' Understand one another. and don't never, ever be too shy or too ig-nernt to NOT offer *doghouse roses.*

-as the john prine song at the beginning of this says, "in spite of ouselves...against all odds... we're the big door prize."

- i think it was yesterday that i took my sisters to see the dr. seuss exhibit at a local gallery i really like. {it's a little known fact: one of my favorite things about austin, tx is that permanent exhibit at *art on 5th*. [my other favorites are my family (family rocks), the gagillion hole-in-the-wall restaurants, my brother's cooking, and triple elipses.]} anyway, did you know that theodore geisel, aka dr. seuss, had a whole private collection of drawings, paintings and SCULPTURES of the fantastic imaginary world we all know from his books? well here's another hollow promise directly from me to you; one o' these days i'll blog about it. maay-be...

- today was spent watching the sun rise, coffee drinking/crossword solving, 4 hours in the hospital with the 2 greatest sisters in the world for reen's *minor procedure*, more shopping than i've prob'ly done in a lifetime, with those same 2 people...and it's all been more than worth it.

-i'll head back to big d pretty soon i suppose. i'd much rather just stay here, though.

oh &, what was that other video the lovely jtb sent me? (you thought i forgot, didn't you?)
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