Monday, November 12, 2007

(updated) SOTD / FOTD / HOTD

Funny Of The Day (check out the guy on the far right.)

Hat Of The Day (my dad, the bee keeper. click to enlarge.)

update: Story Of The Day (sometimes alzheimer's is fun)...AFTER the CUT.

“One ringy-dingy. Two ringy-dingy. Hello, have I reached the party to whom I am speaking?” that's Ernestine, the snorting telephone operator from Rowan and Martin’s Laugh In.

I’m sure Ernestine could have given a good share of telemarketers a run for their obnoxious money in her day, and i’ve heard some pretty funny telemarketing foils since then; like answering machines set to repeat the same question over and over, or that holler at and threaten the caller.
One of the funniest involves implicating the caller in the recent *murder* of the call-ee.

But my mom’s got ‘em all beat. (does too!) and she wasn’t even trying...

Here’s a small portion of a mind boggling conversation I recently heard her having with a very hungry, and presumably both patient and frustrated, telemarketer.

The Best Telemarketing Antidote, Ever

[I can hear a man’s voice and its changing tone, but not his words. The following is some of what I heard mom say in reply.]

“I don’t know because I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re trying to get me to do.”
“too old to tell.”
“more than 85.”
“no I’m not married.”
“bring a friend? where?”
"what vacation?"
"you did? when?"
“I’m not sure I understand what you just said.”
“you say you’re going to send me something?”
“look for it? look for...what?
”I don’t even know where my mailbox is.”
“what are you going to send me, again?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
"what are you talking about, now?"
“a vacation!?”
“now why are you giving me this free vacation?”
“do you work for a company?”
“what are you saying?”
“I’ve never heard of that.”
"what vacation?"
“I don’t understand a word you’re saying.”

The conversation lasted a good ten minutes so you know there were plenty more I-don’t-understand-a-word-you’re-sayings than I described and more "what?"s than you can shake a stick at. My guess is, the guy on the other end probably got credit for a successful call or something, but he sure as hell had to work for that one.

I was holding back laughing the whole time, but when she finally got off the phone I flat lost it. Then we both started laughing so hard we were snorting and tearing up.

Who needs the no call list with such fun entertainment to be had?


Annie said...

That is so funny. Every once in a while Mom will answer the phone in the kitchen, while I'm on the cordless. If it's a telemarketer, I usually listen in for a while before I put the person out of their misery. Does that make me a bad person?

cornbread hell said...

re: "Does that make me a bad person?"

hahahahaha. ya wanta write a book together? that sounds like a great chapter title.

Joanne D. Kiggins said...

That was too cute! Wonder if the guy will actually send the explanation in the mail. LOL

Love the beekeeper outfit, too!

cornbread hell said...

i'm sure she'll get a time share/scam invitation. how else could the call count toward that guy's quota?

for once, i'm actually looking forward to some junk mail. i think we might even go! maybe even pretend to be husband and wife? hahahahaha...snort.

does that make me a bad person?

Denise said...

Nope. Not at all.

~Betsy said...

hahahaha I love it! I know my mom answered the phone several times with telemarketers on the other end. I have no idea what she said, but we never got any free vacations either. Your mom is a gem.

Joanne D. Kiggins said...

does that make me a bad person?

LOL, if it does, then I'm a bad person too. Heck, take the vacation, listen to the real estate pitch, let them think you're really, really interested, then, let your mom give her answer, "I don't know what you're talking about." That should do it. Have fun.

cornbread hell said...

i love gettin' comments on this one. every time i do, i re-read the post and have such a good laugh.

joanne, i'm thinking hawaiian shirt with a checkbook in the breast pocket might be a good touch.

(all suggestions are welcome.)

uh oh. i feel a contest a comin' on...winner to receive an authentic, photo shopped, autographed picture of mom and whomever the salesperson in the polyester suit (or high heels) turns out to be.

Annie said...

So, anything in the mail yet? If you do the Hawaiian shirt, you need the khaki shorts, black socks and brown sandals to finish off the outfit. A puka shell choker too.

Peggy said...

Oh I am glad to hear that there can be some Good laughs too! Thats important. Yes if you get free trips , go and have some fun..
Your dad had the most Beautiful Smile!

cornbread hell said...

thanks, peg.
yeah, we have good laughs every day. it's a blessing, for sure.

Cinnamin said...

Don't forget the zinc on your nose and an oversized camera slung around your neck...Now you're ready!