Tuesday, October 23, 2007

WARNING: whiny post ahead

so, the last post was all about how great life is. about getting mom outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. reminiscing about the pecan detectives. the great visit with relatives, etc...and there was even more that i didn't express adequately.

my high was soon dampened. no. it was fffflattened. it was flat-out SQUISHED.

the caretakers reading this will no doubt find this post all too familiar and the rest of you should probably not read any further, either. why don't y'all just stay here and enjoy that hilarious picture a friend sent me of *nut gathering with a walker.*

...that was saturday. sunday was another beautiful day weather-wise and i'd made arrangements for mom to get to church and have some human interaction without me, so i played hooky. then comes monday. monday was cold and rainy. as we looked out her window, i said something like, "well, it was fun being outside the other day when it was so nice out, wasn't it?"

she cocked her head and asked if she'd been out. i reminded her in some detail and she pretended to remember. i showed her the pecans in the bowl and she asked where they came from. we cracked some, but my heart wasn't in it.

a cold windy day. we spent the majority of our visit doing the newspaper routine. she'd read a headline or a paragraph and ask me to explain the most obvious parts.

"do you have kids in college yet? or are you past that," she asked.
i told her again about sean and jo...
"sean's graduated? what does he do?"
"i told her again about the academic website he's creating, etc. she asked me what a website was again. i told her again. she remembered sitting in front of the computer downstairs.

"who is king tut?"
i told her.
she said, " well, he's coming to dallas."
HAHAHAHAHA (believe me, that was ffffunny.)

she read quite a bit of that one. she was so confused. we talked about islam not being a sect as she had guessed when i asked her, but more like judaism and christianity. and about what a trial is. do you know what a terrorist is, i asked? "no."

"Good," i said. "i'm glad."

she looks at the paper again...

- Tuesday, October 23, 2007 -
"today is tuesday?"
"yes ma'am. it's 3:43 P.M."

so here's the deal, folks. i'll try not to get too excited about the good days and will try harder to enjoy the moments. the moment is really all she has the slightest grasp of.


Denise said...

"The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone..."

~ George Eliot

Have you read Silas Marner, BTW?

Chris said...

Rick, I know how you feel and I know how heartbreaking it is. Hang in there. You are a good son.

Chris said...

PS> and no, that wasn't a whiny post.

Annie said...

But you should get excited about the good days! When you get a whole day of moments, scream your joy from the mountaintops. That's what I do, anyway.

cornbread hell said...

i will never see sand the same again.
thank you both for your comments.

cornbread hell said...

i just saw your comment and started reading your blog. thanks for the encouraging words.

i'm just now learning to really appreciate how important appreciating the moment is. oh, sure...i read "be here now" eons ago, i've been up against the wall more times than i count and dealt with the aftermath each time, but this is my 1st real attempt. my 1st real glimpse at what it means.

i'll try to take your advice, annie.

peg said...

Sebding you ugs Rick....

peggy said...

Good grief I need to spell check alot more often..

cornbread hell said...

silly peggy. i knew what you meant. thanks.

~Betsy said...

Hang in there, Rick. Some days are good ones and some are bad. Sounds cliche, I realize - but it's the truth. You're doing a good job and no, this isn't a whiny post.

Janet said...

I've met you through Linda's crossword blog and am thrilled to find your honest, heartfelt and often funny comments regarding your Mom. My mom has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers and although it makes my eyes tear up to write that, I also often look for the funny things that I can hold on to. It seems irreverent to laugh at a disease, but boy if we didn't we sure would be in a tougher spot. Thanks for helping me to laugh. I hope each day that today will be a good day with Mom, and I am so sad when it turns out not to be. Thankfully, though, she often doesn't know it's a 'bad' day. It's just bad to me because she doesn't know things she used to, or doesn't remember things that she's done. But she's happy. And for that I am very thankful. Today I'll take her to a movie. I took her to Hairspray a couple of months ago and she loved it! And then she suggested to me about a week afterwards that maybe we could go to see Hairspray as she had heard it was quite good. The memories don't always last with Mom but the 'right this moment' feelings are worth it. Thanks for your blog!