Tuesday, February 3, 2009

road kill deluxe

found on my walk yesterday:

1 leather belt, 1 heavy tin angel candle holder, 2 rusty eight inch heart-shaped cake pans.

let's talk about the belt.
1st, i didn't have one & now i do. 2nd, i wanted one because i have to go to a wedding this month and, well, if you also don't have a suit or a sport coat or a tie, a belt is a kinda sorta necessary ingredient for pretending to get dressed up in order to be respectful, not to mention appearing to be respectable. 3rd, it not only fits me, but the most worn hole on the belt is an exact waistometer reading for me and my waist. what are the odds? 4thly, it's a cool belt with horses on it.

(i used to have several belts. and a suit. and a sport coat. and several ties, too, but they all burned up a while back. you may scoff in disbelief, but i can prove it.)

see? i told you.
that's me and the lovely josephine back in about 2004(?).

you may find this next part even more difficult to believe, but i swear it's true.

that photo was taken at a friend's wedding. for reasons still unknown, they asked me to officiate.

(i KNOW !...)

i wrote an awesome ceremony. that's what people told me, anyway. i even believed them afterwards when this asshole wedding photographer told me he'd been to 1000s of weddings and that was the most moving one he'd ever been to. it made me feel good. i was real nervous through the whole thing, shaking even, but i had faith in the words i'd written, so i just read it mostly. there were funny parts and poignant parts and parts where you had to think, and out of respect, even some bible parts for the parents. and people chuckled and laughed out loud when they were supposed to and they wept even louder when they were supposed to.

i didn't have to read the ending...i looked the couple in the eyes, one by one...then looked at the bride and paused dramatically and finally said, "sue. you may kiss your husband."

and the tears of the crowd turned to uproarious laughter.

ok...back to the deluxe road kill...

i don't bake and the pans are rusty, but i will use them for molds to make stepping stones. 8" stepping stones, you say? isn't that kind of small? no, not for the *secret garden* my sister made for her granddaughters. they are perfectly sized for the girls' tiny feet. PLUS! they're heart-shaped, and they'll like that.

plus, it's almost valentine's day and even though i don't really like that holiday very much, i have lots of red tile and various red found objects to imbed in the cement. (for instance, the red thing in the 1st photo is a broken-off part of a lawn mower i think. i found it a few weeks ago and intend to include it in the stepping stones.)

and the angel? well, my sister also likes angels. and even though i think the barbie leg i found (with ball joint intact) would look smashing in it...i think i'll keep that leg for some other project in the future.

(it almost looks like a surreal light saber, don't you think?)


rilera said...

Smashing road kill! The Barbie leg reminds me of the leg lamp in "A Christmas Story".

¸.•*´)ღ¸.•*´Chris said...

Poor little Barbie doll. I feel sorry for it:( but yes it reminds me of that lamp too.

Love the idea of stepping stones. Those are going to look great with the red tile in them.

I bet you were awesome at that wedding. I can picture it now and I am certain that couple has never forgotten how special you made their day.

You find fascinating things. All I ever seem to find is the occasional pile of dog poopy on my walks.

Lily said...

I do hope you wash your hands after all this collecting. (There you go, that's what kind of dour mood I'm in today.)

cornbread hell said...

no, but i washed barbie's leg. does that count?

Lily said...


cornbread hell said...

am not.

... you dirty mysophobe.

Lily said...

lol, I had to look up mysophobe to find out that I definitely am not one, as anyone venturing into my bathroom can tell you.

Annie said...

The angel with the doll leg looks vaguely Statue of Liberty-ish. I think you should present it to your sister like that for the laugh, but then take the leg back for your project.

cornbread hell said...

annie - don't need to. she reads this blog. and yours, too, probably.
(but that turkey doesn't ever comment.)

bulletholes said...

The leg...looks like something out of Caligula

cornbread hell said...

hey bulletholes - you know what's funny to me? of all the stuff that was in that post, everyone appears to mostly be interested barbie's leg.


bulletholes said...

Yeah...big surprise!
Hey Cornbread!