my funny valentine (neighbors)

so this morning my neighbor rupert and i go krogerin'. we get to the flowers and he starts mumbling. then he walks over to the flower lady and asks, "where's the cheapest flowers you got?" "well, sir, these are all $(whatever she said.)" and rupert says, "i am not spending that much money on that bitch. can't i just buy one?"

and the flower lady says, "did you just call me a bitch?"

and rupert says, "no ma'am my wife's the bitch."
"well, that's not very nice."
"you are right. and if she'd quit ACTING like a bitch she'd be a whole lot nicer!

(ok, i made the last part of that dialogue up, because i was already laughing too hard to hear what was actually being said.)

so rupert buys some daisies and i ask him if he used to watch the addams family.
"sure, why?"
"do you remember what morticia always did with the flowers gomez would bring her?"
rupert laughed and said, "she cut the flowers off!"
"yes, and gomez would always say how much nicer they looked then."

at that point i could see the wheels in rupert's mind spinning as he fingered his pocket knife.

but he didn't do it.

....................................

fast forward a couple of hours...

...i go over to rupert's to see how things are going. pablo, the son, comes to the door. "he's not here. he and my mom went to luby's for lunch."

me: "say what!??
pablo, laughing: "i know! that's exactly what i thought."
me: "it's this crazy holiday, pablo. maybe it's not so bad after all."
pablo: "I'LL say it's crazy. I'M here alone and THEY're out?"

ahahahahahaha. it's so true. pablo's always off with some hot girl or another. he must have forgotten to take someone flowers. hmm...i forgot to ask if the flowers were still connected to the stems. and it's probably a good thing, too. knowing pablo, if the thought had occurred to him, he'd have had those daisies decapitated in a new york minute.

what i don't know is whether he'd have taken the stems or the flowers... Read more!

today we celebrate a national holiday

"it's better to have lusted than never to have lusted at all"


[update: doh! but why didn't anyone tell me it wasn't feb 14? ah well, at least i missed friday the 13th.]


"The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas. The association estimates that, in the US, men spend in average twice as much money as women." -wikipedia

he was a fucking martyr, for christ's sake...ahahahahahahahah

...and this is his skull. (or so *they* say.)



happy valentine's day, y'all.



oh. & for your holiday pleasure here's a pretty bad (good) and possibly ironic painting ..."a change of heart" -oil on canvas, by scott brooks:

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is there a doctor in the house?

awol got banned from the dining room during meals at vickery towers. i've been expecting it. stupid health regs...

going to visit at the end of their lunch time had been my habit for the past few months. i'd take awol with me a couple of times a week and all the old folks really like him.

so i changed up the routine today and took the dog with me to their morning activity. it was awesome. much better chance for everyone to get to pet him and all. several of the people really came out their shells interacting with him and the aides dug it because we were there keeping people occupied while they did the tedious task of getting everyone from their rooms.
i might have to change his name again. how does Dr. Awol sound? ahahahahaha.

(((calling doctor awol...doctor awol to the 4th floor, please.)))

no camera with me today, but maybe tomorrow i'll post some pictures. Read more!

mom goes to college (♪ ♫ a 5 hour cruise...)

(yesterday) we started loading the bus at 10 a.m. and left on our outing at 11. yep, it took a full hour to get twelve alzheimer's residents, 5 wheel chairs, 4 walkers, three adult children of said residents, 2 staff members and one driver on board.

i'm here to tell you, it was worth every second and then some.



i suppose i need to practice my over-the-head-and-behind blind camera shots. this is the best one of the lot, but i think you get the idea...it's hardly a spring break college crowd. but there's more personality packed into those old ladies than there is on an entire spring break beach.

our motley crew arrived at richland college, home of the mighty thunderducks!, with plenty of time to spare for our picnic lunch before the concert we came to see. (it only took about an hour to unload, wheel and wobble our way to this choice campus spot.)


pat and marjorie.



these two ladies are as different as night and day. pat, on the left, is wry and brash. marjorie is inquisitive and gentle. both are remarkably intelligent human beans.

pat: "what's your name?"
mom: "mary anne."
(they eat 3 meals a day at the same table. we say their names and converse together daily.)

pat: "your 1st name is mary? that's my 1st name, too."

me: "so your name is mary patricia?"
pat: "no, my name is mary winnifred."
me: "how'd you get pat out of mary winnifred?"

pat: "when i was a child people called me winnie and whiney and weanie. i didn't like that, so i fixed them. i changed my name to pat."

mom: "hahahahaha."
pat (to mom, again): "what's your name?"

lest i give the wrong impression, pat is very smart. she knows my name, a remarkable feat at her stage of dementia. she remembers my dog's name even when he is not there and asks about him often, which is not something my own mom is capable of. pat can paint in oils and was once an art restoration specialist. she may have lost more cognitive abilities than i've ever been graced with. i'd love to know 1/2 of what pat still knows somewhere in the recesses of her being.

and marjorie? marjorie is grace and wit personified.

the box lunches were ham and cheese sandwiches with a separate baggie of lettuce and tomato. when i put it all together for her, i was concerned it was too big and unwieldy to get in her dainty mouth. she misunderstood and insisted i take it.  after convincing her i had my own, she carefully took the sandwich apart piece by piece and ate each part separately. when she saw me watching her do this, she gave a knowing wink and offerred me a cookie from her box, which i took gratefully. then she said, "i can break that cookie up for you if you'd like." and we laughed and laughed.

marjorie is at about the stage mom was a year ago.

and then there's helen...

when we loaded the picnic lunches on the bus helen asked what was in the boxes. told what they were, she said she sure hoped beer was included. at one point on the ride over she told mom there was wine in them thar boxes, which delighted mom no end. i said, "no, i'm real sorry, but there's no wine. it's just sandwiches and stuff." 

and helen said, in her gravelly voice, "what kind of stuff? i hope it's scotch." (oh lordy. spring break, look out...here we come!)

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not a very flattering picture of mom on the right, (but just look at how well her face is healing, lynn anne!) helen in the center, and on the far left, marjorie.



this is my favorite picture of the day. unless i fucked something up (likely), you should be able to click on it, or any other picture, for a closeup.
l-r: henry, diane (henry's daughter) and bill. i love how the gender segregation happens so naturally. kinda like in grade school. ("go over there and ask one of those girls to square dance, you little twit!")

come on guys! it's spring break. party time! the girls are waitin'!!!!




ok, this post is going on too long for most of you, but i'm not just ramblin' on for no reason((max butler)). there are a few people who might want to know that we did finally make it to the concert. (like my kids and sister. ie: the reason for this blog.)

the concert is about to begin. mom is seated 4th from the right side.


(bus driver john, on the left, is one of my minor heroes...)



and the concert was very, very cool.

every tuesday, the richland college orchestra class puts on a little concert. the last time we went, they were performing. this time, though, it was 4 members of the dallas symphony orchestra playing as a string quartet so the students could see, hear and interact with how it's really supposed to be done.

i'm very unsophisticated when it comes to classical music. the 1st number was a mozart piece and all i could think of while listening was of old-timey cartoons of spoons and plates and such dancing on black and white tv.
the beethoven opus-something-or-other conjured up vivid images of old silent movies.
the bartok piece blew me away with its sublime dissonance and whisked me off to some old, scary, mystery movie. hitchcock maybe...but what do i know?

afterwards, bill said, "i never appreciated the fiddle before. i never knew it could make so much music. i sure am glad we went."

and i am, too. and for more than one reason. (12 reasons to be exact.)

Read more!

i have seen 6 and one half drug deals go down from my apartment windows today.



but the day is not over yet, is it?...

i didn't actually see the "1/2". i was told about that one by a neighbor after i mentioned the traffic. (and i only mentioned it in passing...) Read more!

hodgepodge is a cool word...

my friend terri sent me a forwarded email with photos of 15 really cool & strange buildings. (i especially like this one) --> 

i looked it up on the interwebs and found what may be the original posting and...it has fifty (50!) of the wackiest constructions you can imagine.

believe it or not, there is only one barcelona building in the whole lot. (but several gaudi-esque ones.)

check them all out when you have the time.


one of the buildings shown in the above link is/was in houston, texas. it seems the city was going to demolish a house and a couple of artists seized the opportunity to create this awesome piece. as i have a little bit of personal experience with the black hole effect of condemned property, this one struck my fancy, too. (story link)



speaking of striking my fancy...i've been meaning to post this link for some time now. this is just one image of a most amazing personal library. this guy's displays include everything from a raptor skeleton to a nazi enigma code machine to a sputnik. and much much more. it is a veritable modern day cabinet of curiosities.



above:

Gadget Lab A brand-new One Laptop per Child XO, far left, sits next to a relatively ancient RadioShack TRS-80 Model 100. In back, a 1911 typewriting machine and a 1909 Kent radio. The large contraption at center is the Nazis' supposedly unbreakable Enigma code machine. The book to its left is a copy of Johannes Trithemius' 1518 Polygraphiae, a cryptographic landmark. On the right is an Apple II motherboard signed by Woz. An Edison kinetoscope sits beside an 1890 Edison phonograph (along with three of the wax cylinders it uses for recording). Nearby is a faithful copy of Edison's lightbulb. The gadget with the tubes is an IBM processor circa 1960. In front of it stands a truly ancient storage device, a Sumerian clay cone used to record surplus grain.

next is a juried art exhibit currently showing in dallas. artists from all over the u.s. and canada submitted work interpreting the theme of the show, Farewell Shoes for Mr. Bush.

some were funny, some sad. 

("One that brought tears was a simple pair of work boots below a printed tribute to a man who had been a good father and hard worker but who died without health insurance. The artist was his widow." - juror, jim schutze)

it was a fitting outlet for the disappointment and resentment and even outrage that many of us in dallas feel about mr. bush moving to our fair city. 

my favorite piece (pictured above), by rebecca sanchez of dallas, is made of plastic army-men and won an honorable mention. it's called, "Soles of our Soldiers." 

(for the complete story and a much better picture of that piece, go here. or if you happen to be reading this after president's day, 2009, here.)



ok, i've taken up enough of your time for one day, but i must leave you a Dog picture O.T.D.

this is awol's crazy-ass, french whore of a girlfriend, gigi. he's in Luuuuuv.



"woof woof!"

Read more!

V(ideo) O. T. D.

i haven't checked out the rest of it yet, but i have a feeling it's all pretty goddam cool and worth a look-see. click on "her morning elegance" after going to this website.

(thanks, chrissy).

...in other news, i found what i suspect are the rest of the cars needed for my *cartable* today. i'm pretty excited about that.

so far i've made 5 different *veggie-tables*, and once helped sean make a *fishtable.* (there may be pics somewhere in here. and then again, maybe not.)

-------------------------------------------

the cartable (pronounced with a short a in the table part) is going to add to the goodness of the coffee table world & the betterment of the world in general by leaps and bounds. i might even try to sell this one. i could use the bucks.

these are all mechanized and will go on the carved limestone legs of the table and will be easily accessed to play with on said glass top.

vroom, vroom, vrooooom!!!

and yes, that's a penguin. pretty cool, huh? i am so easily amused.

(please feel free to click to enlarge any of these pictures.)


these will be on the sandstone tabletop under a sheet of 3/8" or 1/2" glass, depending on the funds available.


oh, wait. the 2 airplanes on the left are also mechanical and will be on the legs...&...i found all of those today to add to my already formidable collection of potentially cartable cars!

.........................................................................

the following little numbers have all been collected over the past few months & are mostly roadkill:


these "mini machines" were my son's and salvaged from the house fire:


(these broken ones are all road kill & will probably not be incorporated into the cartable.)
i call it my "junkyard." complete w/ junkyard dog:


& finally...
the Dog picture Of The Day...

"keepin' watch at the window"

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guitar hero madness

how is this even possible?



same crazy story. total whack. proof that god exists. Read more!

road kill deluxe

found on my walk yesterday:

1 leather belt, 1 heavy tin angel candle holder, 2 rusty eight inch heart-shaped cake pans.

let's talk about the belt.
1st, i didn't have one & now i do. 2nd, i wanted one because i have to go to a wedding this month and, well, if you also don't have a suit or a sport coat or a tie, a belt is a kinda sorta necessary ingredient for pretending to get dressed up in order to be respectful, not to mention appearing to be respectable. 3rd, it not only fits me, but the most worn hole on the belt is an exact waistometer reading for me and my waist. what are the odds? 4thly, it's a cool belt with horses on it.

(i used to have several belts. and a suit. and a sport coat. and several ties, too, but they all burned up a while back. you may scoff in disbelief, but i can prove it.)

see? i told you.
that's me and the lovely josephine back in about 2004(?).

you may find this next part even more difficult to believe, but i swear it's true.

that photo was taken at a friend's wedding. for reasons still unknown, they asked me to officiate.

(i KNOW !...)

i wrote an awesome ceremony. that's what people told me, anyway. i even believed them afterwards when this asshole wedding photographer told me he'd been to 1000s of weddings and that was the most moving one he'd ever been to. it made me feel good. i was real nervous through the whole thing, shaking even, but i had faith in the words i'd written, so i just read it mostly. there were funny parts and poignant parts and parts where you had to think, and out of respect, even some bible parts for the parents. and people chuckled and laughed out loud when they were supposed to and they wept even louder when they were supposed to.

i didn't have to read the ending...i looked the couple in the eyes, one by one...then looked at the bride and paused dramatically and finally said, "sue. you may kiss your husband."

and the tears of the crowd turned to uproarious laughter.

ok...back to the deluxe road kill...

i don't bake and the pans are rusty, but i will use them for molds to make stepping stones. 8" stepping stones, you say? isn't that kind of small? no, not for the *secret garden* my sister made for her granddaughters. they are perfectly sized for the girls' tiny feet. PLUS! they're heart-shaped, and they'll like that.

plus, it's almost valentine's day and even though i don't really like that holiday very much, i have lots of red tile and various red found objects to imbed in the cement. (for instance, the red thing in the 1st photo is a broken-off part of a lawn mower i think. i found it a few weeks ago and intend to include it in the stepping stones.)

and the angel? well, my sister also likes angels. and even though i think the barbie leg i found (with ball joint intact) would look smashing in it...i think i'll keep that leg for some other project in the future.

(it almost looks like a surreal light saber, don't you think?)

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a mom update and some cool miscellaneous stuff...

mom's doing great. she never got sore or achy from the fall. isn't that weird? and her face bruises are healing nicely. she never once even remembered the fall or the hospital visit. that's normal. she claims to remember the ambulance ride, but i have my doubts. i think she remembers us talking about it. you know, like when you "remember" early childhood memories, but really you're remembering photos of them?

i took the camera over to get a shot of her and the dog together, but the battery was dead. doh! maybe tomorrow. in the meantime...

...here's a picture of awol and his girlfriend, gigi, on my bed.


more miscellaneous crap:

this video may not interest you all that much, but it appeals to me because i have actually used all but the 1st technique to manipulate large limestone blocks. (i've never moved a barn, though.)



and i think this is very, very cool. “You’ve done a great job with the dirt. But what about the water?”, dr. sylvia earle. (check out the video in the article. dr. earle rocks!)

after the camera battery charges i'll take some pics of some of the greatest road kill in months, but for now it's just more doggy-love.

both of 'em ready for the POUNCE!

"sheeit...who you think yer callin' a dick licker? dawg, have you even seen my girlfriend??? she is sooo Hot." (((pant, pant, pant.)))



update:
add this to the misc schitt (thanks, terri.)


i think i must live upstairs to some of their cousins... The Fuckin' Schitts.

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