attention: it's contest time again!

i got an email from annie today:

"Have you ever looked at your stats and seen the search words somebody used that landed them on your blog?

Somebody found me by searching "putting a rubberband around my nutsack."

I bet they were surprised (disappointed?) when they saw the chicken playing with the llama nutsack story."

the funny thing is - uh, well, another funny thing is - i've been thinking about that for the past couple of days. (no, not about the nutsack thing. sheesh. you're such a goober.)

no, yesterday i got a hit on this blog from some deranged person in the bahamas.

they'd googled...
"porn grandmommy."


really?? you mean someone typed those words, together? like on purpose?
ewww.
but here's the 64 dollar question: is that disgusting or just plain ole funny?

i'm goin with both. but the wrong part of it is terribly wronger than the funny part is funnier, don't you think?

and guess what the first result was. yep, that's right. one of my entries. (and that was before this post, of course.) what's more, there were 409 results in google for *porn grandmommy.* not many at all as google hits go, until you consider the actual search words. and to that i say, YIKES!

(the picture up top was the second image result. this one i took was #4. )
hahahahahahaha.

i wish i could remember all the weird, ricockulos, funny, mind-boggling, frivolous, and otherwise bizarre ones i've noticed through my sitemeter, but they've all slipped my mind right now. as i recall them, i will post them in the comment section of this post, along with yours, i hope.

contest rules:

- what rules? just send me the best you've found from your own or someone else's blog. googled words, phrases, image results...whatever. gimme your best shot(s).

prizes?

- prizes may or may not be awarded depending on how hard you make me laugh and scratch my head in wonder and disbelief. discombobulate my sense of all that is right and holy with the human race. make me say, "what in the cornbread hell."







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the lovely josephine comes to visit

my daughter lives in nacogdoches, but is registered to vote in austin so she drove the 240 miles yesterday to cast her early vote for barack obama. i can remember how empowered i felt the 1st time i was able to vote in a presidential election. good times.

of course the best thing about her visit was just that. her visit. some pics and reflections after the jump...

josephine recently cut her hair and donated it to *locks of love.* yesterday was the first time i'd seen her with her new do. the following is a slide show of stills from yesterday of josephine, my sister, reen, and myself. it's the 1st time i've tried embedding a slideshow, so you're on own negotioating your way through it, but if you can figure a way to flip through the 20 photos at a real fast clip it's almost like being there.



to describe the joy of spending 4 or 5 hours in relaxed conversation with my daughter is beyond my ability. let's just say she's a delight to be with and leave it at that.

another 1st occurred during our visit. i talked about the car wreck, the sounds, the different emotions, the severity and extent of both the accident and the injuries, as well as the healing that has taken place since. sharing details and recalling the experience out loud was cathartic in a way.

thanks, josephine. (and if you have that picture in your computer of you at about 1 year old with peach fuzz for hair, please send. i need to post it.)

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more news from austin and... the DOTD

at scholz garten last night, one of the many places austinites watched the debate on tv, a rowdy crowd created a drinking game. "every time obama says 'change,' 'hope' or 'believe,' you drink. and for clinton? any time she says 'record,' 'experience' or 'mexican food.'"

hahahahahaha. ya think anyone got plastered?

after the official debate clinton and obama went all over town. among other places, clinton went to guero's taco bar and obama went to the austin music hall...

i begged my brother to take me to that one. it wasn't publicized, but we knew it was happening because the brother caters for the bands there. we coulda gotten in, but he was sure we'd also get kicked out. i guess he likes his job or something.

what a chicken - *#!@.

anyway, it turns out obama got up on stage with ray benson, joe ely and a bunch of other musicians and sang "boogie back to texas." kinda reminds me of bill clinton playing the sax on the tonight show. he also played catch with ut's quarterback, colt mccoy, yesterday. (i know, big deal, right?) those pics aren't available to copy for some reason.

tonight there's an obama rally on the state capitol grounds. (if anyone remembers my old blog, that's where i "almost" got a date with amy sedaris.) that should be cool. last time he was here, over a year ago, 15,000 people showed up on the shores of lake austin. i betcha there're at least twice that number tonight.

and now for something completely different.
for you dog lovers, pack your bags and meet me next friday night for yappy hour at my favorite coffee shop, the irie bean. i just love this concept. and the picture is priceless.



now, if this dog would just show up...

Dog O' The Day:


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debates and puzzles. discuss.

the next president of the u.s. and his primary opponent were 5 miles away from here last night. about the most interesting thing about their debate, to me, was the setup. it was held in the university of texas gymnasium which holds about 43,000 people.

over 40,000 applied to attend, but cnn staged it to accomodate 2000. a few hundred university students were included by way of raffle and 100 ordinary citizens were granted entry. the rest? i dunno. pundits and very important poohbahs, i s'pose.

last week in the small east texas town of nacogdoches, the lovely josephine got to shake bill clinton's hand. i'm jealous. i wanted to at least see the visiting dignitaries.

the truth is, they could have filled the 85,000 seat stadium next door had they wanted to.

but it's just as well. the *debate* was pretty boring. sorta like a monday new york times crossword puzzle if you ask me: unique, impeccably structured, but too easy, and as a result, not very interesting. you do it because it's the nyt puzzle, because it's there - not for a challenge. not to learn anything really.



i mean, it's history in the makin', for god's sake. the first black and the first female american presidential candidates with a real chance to hold the office. ever. right here in downtown austin dukin' it out. how exciting is that? i'd have loved to have been there in person.

speaking of the nyt crossword...


my daughter sent me a care package right after my wreck. it was full of tasty treats, and books and stuff. (thanks, josephine)
one of the books is a collection of nyt x-words from 2003. i finished them a few days ago. when i say finished, i really mean i finished the thursday, friday and saturday ones.

i did a few of the monday ones and then started just filling in the theme portions until i got bored with that tact. then i did the rest in my head, without pen as much as possible. i found various ways to make the monday-wednesday ones challenging. or at least interesting. (see what i mean about comparing them to the presidential debate? i mean, i watched the rerun. at least parts of it. but i'm here to tell you...bor-ing. i'll take reruns of mayberry rfd over that piffle any day.)

now, the friday/saturday puzzles in this book were a whole different matter. the third to last one in the book, constructed by randolph ross, and of course edited by the inimitable will shortz, was my favorite by far. here it is:





can you see it?
you see the 4 long answers? 4 down, 24 across, 10 down and 52 across? pretty dang clever, huh?

discuss.

(with clues)



i wish will shortz was in charge of staging the presidential debates. i think he'd do 'em up right. it would be fun to see a *monday night debate* and a *tuesday night debate* and so on. you could definitely fill up the the largest venue anywhere for a *saturday* quality debate. and just think of the advertising revenue, cnn! Read more!

"where the hell are you?" (chris)*

the short version:

-what happened when? ...well, i had a little car wreck a couple weeks ago.
-where are you? ...in stephenville, texas at my sister's house.
-who's house? ...my sister's. she's my *caretaker* for now.
-how are you? ...i'm healing. i'm fine. a-ok.
-why didn't you let us know? ...oh, i dunno. just kinda "private, secretive, untruthful," i suppose.**

and please, no sympathy comments. ok?

a few pics after the cut...

-the car.
they cut the top off to get me out. and then i got a hellicopter ride!

-me.
when my 5 year old nephew 1st saw me after the fact, he said, "Wick, i'm sorwy about youwuh chin." so sweet.

hahahahahahaha.


-a view from the porch in stephenville.


-and a view of the porch.
the nights are so so star-filled it's breath taking. i like it here.

-me and my awesome sister. (photo taken about 6 years younger. how come she doesn't look any older and i do?)


-a therapist came in to the hospital room and asked the guy in the next bed did he know he was gonna be operated on the following day? no.
his legs were broken and he had lots of steel pins sticking out of them. he was being discharged a few days later. she told him she was gonna teach him how to get out of bed without any help so he'd be able to do so when he got home.
he said, "i don't have a home."

not my leg. my legs are fine. not his either. his looked much worse.



me? i may not like it, but i sure am lucky. (anyone up for a game of twister?)


*chris
**an idictment of me made by an ex several years ago. i'm just beginning to come to terms with the truth of it.

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