whose price is right is it, anyway?

bye bye bob...

i just heard the news. drew carey is the new host for the price is right?



well dagnabbit, i think that's a right good move. i hope to hear a running joke that it's a show where

the "points"...


don't matter...


...and behind door #1 ?

maybe it'll be craig ferguson unveiling


wayne brady or laura hall rather than a few goats.

i don't know about you, but i'm kinda lookin' forward to a price is right hoedown. Read more!

a gratuitous post

just returned from a lovely 2 day road trip with my sister. we went to visit my son in east texas.

while the sister and the son worked all day, i mostly sat in the library and read. i read 2 books by the same author cover to cover. (one was ok, one much better than ok.) at lunchtime and in the evenings we got to hang out together. and with the son's friends. i needed that.

also walked around the town and campus, looked at lots of old maps in the library where my son works (i'm a dweeb) and met some interesting people and listened to violin music in the student union center &, oh, i got a haircut and drank coffee and did the small town newspaper crossword puzzles, which were more challenging than i thought they'd be.

and now, back home...

seeing mom after not seeing her for 2 days makes 2 things clear.
she's a goner
and our daily contact really is a good thing for us both.

a funny thing happened afterwards. i stopped at the 7-11 for some smokes. a guy asked me if i'd give him a ride home. i did. and this is why this is "a gratuitous post"...i'm still working on how best to tell the story of Dennis the quadriplegic and his wife and the crack house and the scary ghetto neighborhood and finally making it home to find my weeds mowed and my email so nearly bereft of meaning.

more as i sort it all out. maybe.
thanks to lynn anne and sean for the respite. thanks to them both and to terri and orange for the cyber connection.
thanks to the mystery of life for the adventure with dennis.

.lurkers are always welcome. comments even better. Read more!

as the blog turns...

lately i've posted a lot of mom stuff. i feel a need to rectumfy that. so i'm gonna spare you today's report other than to say it was a fun 2 hour visit.
i nixed my last blog because it became one political diatribe after another. i'm hoping to achieve a more balanced approach this time around.

so without further ado, we now present

~ The Fuck Post ~

bobby knight says it most succinctly,

(thanks again, terri)


but this is an absolutely, fucking hilarious website. if you like to laugh, check it out, you fuckers.

and this one is along the same lines, but maybe only freakin' funny.


...speaking of words, word usage, dictionaries, etc., if you like words and dictionaries, you might enjoy listening to this podcast. i sure did. (unlike the above links it's 100% fuck free.)
a cyberquaintance is featured. her website, diary of a crossword fiend, is listed on my sidebar. she recently won 1st place from the Dictionary Society of North America for proposing a new dictionary entry. watch the podcast to find out what the word is and to learn why i just now googled cyberquaintance. (what the fuck? there are already 5 google hits. )

oh, & p.s. if you don't like words and dictionaries, well...fuck you.

-------

Read more!

this is so cool

click on the stick figure...

Animator vs. Animation by *alanbecker on deviantART
(thanks, terri) Read more!

happy hour. (this is a test.. only a test)

(that's Addy in the middle. Justin on the right. The Young Lady on the left is close to 90 yrs old.)

i went to happy hour with mom at the old folks home today.

there was a crooner there.

when he got to *goodnight irene* in his set, he went around the room with his mike and the cute old geezers/geezerettes sang "gooood night iree-ee-eene...."

it was freakin awesome.

i have a 2 minute movie of it (comes out lookin' similar to the 2nd *pic* above.) i've no idea how to put it online. but i would if i could. yup. (can you help?)

Later on I’ll post some better photos and tell y'all more about the extravaganza.

(my favorite couple. damn!) click on the picture. take 60 seconds to stare. what do you see in their expressions?

Read more!

how do i say this without sounding cold hearted?

i never cared too much for my mom. sure, i've always loved her, but like her? not so much. i've always seen her as bland, derivative, a follower, unoriginal, boring. we've never had much in common. it's not that i don't realize i share many of those traits. it's not even that in the past i've regretted the dna she passed on to me. i have my own unique rebellious genetic makeup to deal with all that.

it's not that i ever really disliked her, either. she's never been mean to me or to anyone else that i know of. i wish i could say the same for myself.
it's not my lack of respect that her most obvious talent was shopping. truth be known, when we took her car keys away from her a few years ago someone else had to step up to take her place delivering meals-on-wheels and doing other charitable deeds.
it's not that i don't appreciate her role in raising 4 children, at least three of whom have turned out to be damn good human beans.

so what's your point, rick?

ah. i got lost in my own rambling and almost forgot to tell you. i like my mother now. i'm sorry it took 56 years to get here. i don't know if it's the spiraling bonds of ladder-like genes we have in common that have brought us to this point, or if it is a matter defined more by her state of dementia and my role as caregiver being folded together. it makes no difference. the point is, i like my mother.

---------------------today----------------------

2 p.m. - enter her apartment. no one there. go to common room.
"well there you are," we say at the same time. (laughter.)

me: what are you doing here? (she has been avoiding the common room for the 3 weeks she's been in this unit. i think the alzheimer's residents scare the shit out of her.)

mom: i came to find carolyn to take me downstairs for a cigarette, but she's not here today. they say i'm out of cigarettes. alicjia called you to bring some.

me: (checking phone, listening to message sent 60 seconds before.) i'll be right back...

all my life, growing up, mom smoked between 0 and 2 cigs a day. i've never known a lighter, habitual smoker. i bought her 2 packs not 10 days ago. go figure. anything to get out of that room/off the alzheimer's floor. yes, i understand.


2:30 - we go downstairs to sit on the smoking porch.
3:00 - off to sit in the hallway in another part of the building to sit and watch the squirrels and pigeons. on the way there we see a sign with a calendar of events for the non-alz residents. "Tony Bennett's 81st birthday...Frank and Friends...7:00...main dining hall..."

both, in unison: "that sounds interesting." (laughter.)

3:30 - we head to the library/computer room to get more books she won't read and to see if josephine's g'mommy blog has anything new to look at. nope. but we reread the old stuff. no problem. it all seems almost new to mom. it's about her and her family. she loves it.
we scour the intornet for tony bennett stuff. listen to clips...pull up his tour schedule...

me: "look at that! 81 years old and still tourin' like a rock star."

mom: (laughter. genuine laughter.) "81? that's not old." (laughter. genuine, again.)

me: (laughing.) "with that attitude, neither is 84. "

mom: (quirky smile.)

we take 2 books to return unread tomorrow and head back to *prison.* as we pass the main dining hall where she ate and attended events for the past 2 years, but now has to have an escort to get to, which usually means me...

we hear, "mary anne! come in here and get some ice cream. you want some ice cream?"

we sit and visit with addy and eat melted eskimo pies. everyone else has long gone. still, it was like bein' in the garden of eden before the fall. (addy's the greatest. she's the one who slipped a dollar bill into my waistband 2 father's days ago. see first blog entry for that story.)

4:15 - back up to the alzheimer's unit for dinner. hug goodbye. go to ask alecjia if she'll take mom to the tony bennett music thingy downstairs at 7:00.

to our delight she says, yes.

--------------frank and friends---------------

Tony can't be there. his birthday is tomorrow, besides, he's on the road, but this guy and his recorded backup music will be there at 7:00 sharp. hopefully mom will be there, too.

6:45 - it's taken me 2 freakin' hours to get this ramble out. i'm exhausted. maybe i'll go catch the show...nah... probably not, but did i mention? i like my mom.

Read more!

HAW-I-YA

i introduced mom to the intornet last week. she found it mildly entertaining so i asked family members to suggest websites that might interest her. within 24 hours my daughter created a blog and my sister sent her an e-card.

(in case you don't view it, the e-card references the fact that they lived in hawaii when my sister was too young to remember it.)

now, mom still remembers some of her more distant past, but nothing i could say jogged her memory of ever having lived in hawaii. i repeated stories i'd heard her tell a thousand times. about the landlady, about one-eyed gypsies, about quonset huts...nothing.

2 days later, we're walking down the hallway and as we pass a group of residents, she exchanges big smiles and greetings with an old geezer saying, "haw-i-ya."

me - WHAT did you say?

mom - oh, that's reggie. we always say that to each other. we knew each other when we lived in hawaii.
me - (mouth open, unable to speak)
mom - we didn't really know each other well, we met somewhere on the street, i think. we always joke that we're going back.
me - cool. you think y'all will get separate rooms?
mom - oh we're not really going. it's just something we joke about.

...dementia is a curious thing. Read more!

calendar hell

is this funny, or what?



i'd really rather NOT see inside, but i kinda hope mr. october is dracula. Read more!

dear nance and deb,

thank you so much for the visit. we talked about it tonight.
though it took a while for mary anne to remember, to remember(sic)
when she did remember, it made her smile.

right now she remembers deb sitting next to her at the computer.
if y'all send a photo, i will frame and label it.

rick Read more!

and then again...

sometimes irony makes me wanta puke. Read more!

let's see...who can i offend now?

sometimes a little adolescent humor just seems in order.
hey, it could be worse. i could whine some more about stuff, or brag about my kids, or lay more progressive political opinions on you, or ask you to read depressing crap like this.
or this.

or maybe i could become an axe murderer...
nah. that's a bad idea. Read more!

i enjoy irony. a lot.

with all the hubbub surrounding the new harry potter book, even my mom was asking about it.

so,

a.) i took her one of the books today.
no matter that she'd already tried to read the exact same book about a year ago... she doesn't remember that, but she feels somewhat connected to the outside world with it in her possession, i think.

b.) i took her to see a potter movie tonight!
MS. POTTER is about beatrix potter, not harry.

c.) we laughed about the irony.

d.) here are a couple of pics for your amusement:

beatrix potter's peter rabbit with his carrot stick wands...


and daniel radcliffe (aka, harry potter) in the play, equus, with his "wand."

Read more!

just got some bad news.

maybe i'll write about it later. maybe not.
the good news is, i have a plan.

-all they care about is $$.
-i have something i don't want that's worth some $$.
-i call it a damn good trade.
-i love you, sister.

Read more!

not a harry potter spoiler.

[edited]
what do a comic, an ex punk rocker, an ex baptist minister and a female activist have in common?

well, for one thing, they all have balls. [or cojonas, if that were a word, and it should be.]
i hope you'll take a few minutes to watch the videos.

congress is a hoard of pussies [or cowardly assholes if you prefer]. and a horde of pussies, too.
end of rant. Read more!

bar-b-chew, anyone?

(click on image to enlarge.)

H/CH H/CH H/CH H/CH H/CH Read more!

this sure is a weird page. no, not mine. this one.
(thanks orange.)

and speaking of ffuts sdrawkcab, this is an awfully cool video...


http://view.break.com/139800 - Watch more free videos Read more!

american flag shirts and fireworks

as i said, i've been stayin at mom's all week. only coming home for a few minutes here and there while she eats or whatever. 1st thing i do is check various emails and blogs for signs of life.
[my pathetic electronic life, that is.]
2 minutes later, i'm like, "well, i guess i can go back now. nothing to distract me here."

---------*!*-------

how was your 4th of july?
mine was so exciting i can hardly contain myself.


at 2:15 we started on our way to the dining hall.
and there was great anticipation.



2:20: yep, still walkin'...



2:25: are we there yet?



2:30:
we did finally make it there and let me tell you, folks. the party began at at 2:30 sharp.
and it was Rockin'!



the pictures are blurry, but surely you get the gist.
we said the pledge of allegiance, which i know you all know i'm a big fan of.



we ate red white and blue Popsicles...



(after the 1st bite, the red part was gone. no lickin' here if you still have teeth.)

mom bitin' the red:



the music was actually good even though it was an imitation karaoke/synthesizer/electric keyboard/one man band guy.

he 4th-of-july-ed us in nonstop fashion with a whole bunch of Sinatra, Duke Ellington and big band stuff. Even a real toe tapper of a Fats Domino number. (blue heaven)

and of course the corny "i am a flag" poem. but even that was recited with ray charles' version of 'America' as a kind of backdrop music. (ok, maybe a few people left at that point, but i liked it. i've never had a problem with negro music, but...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

oh, & there were a boatload of flag songs. you know, all the regular patriotic God Bless Americas and Yankee Doodle Dandies.
most of those were 'sposed to be sing-a-longs (that dynamic was both sweet and sad), but the the real crowd favorite, no holds barred, was...
"Has Anybody Seen My Gal."

your heart woulda soared had you been there to feel the response to that one.

i made a few 20-second videos with my cheesy phone camera that came out way too dark to see, but the sound is ok. my favorite is a video i took of toes, hands and heads bobbing to the beat. i really wish i could share them with you. one even has my mom's hands a-tapping out of time. the spiffy old dude in the fedora is the genuine article. and the rest are all somewhere in between.

good stuff. it was a good time. a good time was had by all. even reluctant me.

oh, & did i mention there were lots of flag shirts and lots of red, white and blue, and that Fred was there? (fred's my favorite. he wheels in in his go-cart and is a presence. maybe i'll dig up an old photo of him for you.)

and that we also played are you smarter than a 5th grader?

the old folks' version of that ricoculous tv game show took on a hilarious turn when the MC asked:
"Where are most U.S. flags made?
-china?
-taiwan?
-pennsylavania?
......Say 'yes' is you're for china..."

i swear to god i laughed out loud when he said that.
it sounded exactly like, "are you vagina?"

which brings me to one last blurred photo. (notice the person in the foreground)


sometimes i hear myself thinking, "man! who's that blonde? if only i were 20 years older..."
yes, that's when i'm sure i've lost it completely.

a good time was had by all.
and a happy 4th of july to you, too.

with love,
what in the cornbread hell
Read more!

alzheimer's sucks.

big doins on the mom front...we're headed for the "memory unit" so stay tuned.
i'll be at her place for the foreseeable future. no computer there.

when i get to that stage in my life, please just shoot me.
on 2nd thought, please shoot sooner.

lr

Read more!

from The Cornbread Hell Speller

To Set The Record Straight. once and for all…

Cornbread? nah.
i don’t care for it myself. i’m more of a soft sourdough roll kinda guy.
but i do like cornydogs. notice how it's spelled. c-o-r-n-y-d-o-g. one word. cornydog.

oh? but what's this?

numbers of google hits for:
corn dog - 2,280,000
corny dog - 790,000
corndog - 452,000
cornydog - 389

plus, my word processor tells me my choice is misspelled? pfft.
listen, i gave up claiming to be right long ago. now? i’m just opinionated. ( it’s a genetic thing.)
but can we at least agree that that is THE ugliest tattoo EVER?

-----------**------------

now saddle up folks and journey with me as we sort this mystery out.
onward!
into…

~ The Land of Cornydog Hell ~

1st off, let’s deal with corn dog, as it appears to be the most popular wrong designation for the culinary treat in question. Obviously this is corn...








And this is a dog...







------- see there? See? scientific proof that 2.2 + million people CAN be wrong.
it’s 2 words. 2 things. heck, they may both be edible, but…oh sorry, mr. doggy. that was disgusting. please don't look at me like that.



(And this is Mariah Carey dressed like corn while pretending to walk her dog.)

Now that that’s settled let’s focus on what exactly a corny dog is.

(groan) that’s not even remotely funny. that’s just downright stupid. that makes my head hurt. Please, please, no more corny dogs! Ok, but he wants to show you his seinfeld impression first.

"speak fer yerself, dogface. i can haz pocketz."





Next Up… the poor, misunderstood corndog.
Dude. a corndog obviously ain’t no cornydog. No way. No how.
(i also never claimed to be a good photoshop artist.)

OK! now that we’ve dispensed with the pretenders, what in the cornbread hell is a cornydog?


to answer this central question in our search for truth we refer you now to the highly esteemed rikipedia which tells us in no uncertain terms:

“Cornydogs are hot dogs dipped in corn batter, deep fried and served on a stick… Cornydogs were supposedly created in 1942 for the Texas State Fair by Neil Fletcher… If you put ketchup on them, you will go to hell. Mustard is the true epicure’s condiment of choice…As with all foods, a pile of bacon and and a fresh jalapeno are acceptable side dishes for a proper Cornydog meal…Cornydogalians the world over have vowed to never microwave a Cornydog and to never feed the Cornydog to their dogs, as the slightly cannibalistic inference is sick and disgusting and besides, the stick of the Cornydog, if swallowed whole, may cause great discomfort to your canine.”

--------------------*-------------------

the true cornydog in a few of its many incarnations.
----------- I ganked some images from the cornydog festival’s website and made a little slide show for you. enjoy...

more cornydog facts and some of the finer points of cornydog etiquette:

pole dancers are wanna be cornydogs. did you know that?
This is a pole dancer pretending to be a cornydog.
and
This is a dog pretending to be a pole dancer.

not only is there a right way and a wrong way to spell cornydog, but there's a right and wrong way to eat them, too.

This is a proper lady eating a properly mustarded cornydog.

This is a joyous cornydog experience.

This is an R-rated cornydog experience.

and This is an X-rated cornydog experience.
(those are all acceptable. just remember. NO Ketchup!)

[update: since posting this silly review, mr. photobucket has apparently deemed the previous picture a little too risque. the good news is, now you can let your imagination run wild. and i guarantee it'll be whole lot wilder than what i originally posted.]

When you have finished eating your cornydog, please properly dispose of the stick. all kinds of horrible, terrible, unspeakable things can happen if you aren't careful.
Robbers have been known to misuse them, they are a favorite weapon in Gang Warfare and even Worse can happen if the cornydog stick gets in the wrong hands. Diligence is nothing to shake a cornydog stick at. (damn that corny dog! SHOO!)

i do hereby swear on davy crockett's grave that the above is the real lowdown on cornydogs.
in my impeccable opinion.

i leave you now with one last cornydiorama.............

Note: i may have on occasion been called both a porndog and a horndog by certain people. i hereby categorically deny all such accusations. Period.
i am pure-d cornydog. as this ricoculous blog should prove beyond a shadow of any doubt.

Read more!

not just another SiLLY blog post

from a british web site: Iraq Body Count
and here's the count, according to them, for just ONE WEEK in 2007.
i double dog dickin' dare ya to read that one.

the following disturbing numbers are confirmed:
as of today, june 20th, in the year of our lord, MMVII...

• u.s military deaths (iraq).........3,531
• u.s. military wounded (iraq)...25,950
• iraqi civilian deaths (min)......65,828
• *excess* iraqi deaths.........655,000

HUH!? sheeut. gimme a break. that last one’s just gotta be a bogus number.
Doesn’t it?
(even if you didn’t click on or read any of the links above, i beg you to read this one. and ponder it.)

AHA! See there? it IS bogus. Those numbers are 8 freakin’ months old!
and furthermore, what's this bull-shit about iracky physicals and a bunch of goddam lib'ral, anti-merikin epiduralists? i've just about had it with all them camel humpers and i've sure as hell had it up to here with them bloomin' collige edjeecated jewboys.

"This is about 500 unexpected violent deaths per day throughout the country. The survey was done by Iraqi physicians and overseen by epidemiologists at Johns Hopkins University's Bloomberg School of Public Health."

i repeat. 500 PER DAY. civilians. 500 human beans every. fucking. day.



sorry if that brings you down, but i believe we are all responsible.
And while you’re mulling the meaning of that last statement…do you know about this?


makes ya proud, don't it.

remember all that *reconstruction* we were gonna do after shock and awe?

is that what you thought all those *contractors* were bein' paid billions of $$ for? a private army?
well you're not to feel alone. our way of rebuilding the infrastructure we've destroyed is apparently to build a $592 million, 104 acre (!) american embassy in baghdad.
after shock, indeed.
we all done been duped, suckas.

p.s. i didn't mean to stick that video in twice, but i'm not real computer savvy, ya know? hey, what the fuck. go ahead and watch it again. (and if the video doesn't work, please go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqM4tKPDlR8)

-----------#@*&------------

chill, rick. what in the cornbread hell brought that rant on?

well, for one thing, i haven’t had my crossword fix for the day and for 2, i made the mistake of havin' the tv on earlier and i saw this guy--------->

(he was pontificating about his moral reason for vetoing the stem cell research bill.
and i swear to god, the asswipe actually said something to this effect:
"...taking human life to save human life is immoral..."
ahahahahahaha!!!
it just doesn't get more ironic than that, does it?)

…and for 3, sometimes, well, sometimes i have bad dreams about the 655K...it just gives me the friggin' willies.



i’ll try to get back to bein’ silly, soon. i promise. really.
Peace y‘all,
rick

----------&*@#----------

Read more!

(you can/can't) watch sicko for free (UPDATED 6-19)

last night i downloaded and watched what turned out to be a Really fffunnny movie.
the 40 year old virgin.
i laughed my ass off. (yes, i did finally find my ass a day or so after watching josephine's video, re: 2 posts back.)

the 40 yr old virgin flick is sappy, sexy, nasty, lame, funny as the day is long, sweet (are ya sick yet?), has more quotable lines than a whole season of simpsons reruns, and most of all, it's real in an oddly realistic way. the ending sucked, but i thoroughly identified with rest of the movie. check it out if you haven't already. and report back.

------------$-------------

now, sicko is an altogether different film, as i'm sure you're all aware.

sicko could only be described as *sweet* in a youngster's vernacular. as a geezer, sweet to me would be adam sandler movies or Riesen Chewy Chocolate Caramel covered candy, but sicko is suhweet in that other sense.

i didn't even have to download (swipe) it...and neither do you.
here's the link to SlCKO.
check it out, turkey!
UPDATE: looks like the film's distributors are trying hard to sweep up all the "copies" of it online. so i deleted that link. sicko pops up every once in awhile, though.
as i type, it's available here:
http://pullmylink.com/watch-the-new-micheal-moore-documentary-sicko-online/#
otherwise, pony up your 7 bucks and go to the movie this weekend. you'll be glad you did.

and michael moore says...
he doesn't mind:

"I don't agree with the copyright laws and I don't have a problem with
people downloading the movie and sharing it with people," Moore said. "As long as
they're not doing it to make a profit off it, as long as they're not trying
to make a profit off my labor. I would oppose that. I make these books and
movies and TV shows because I want things to change and so the more people
that get to see them the better. I'm happy when that happens."
link


thank god for him - wait till you see this movie.
i hope y'all will pass this on to your friends.
IMOO, it's sadly realistic in a sad, but honest sorta way. and it's about much, much more than health care.


Read more!

what in the cornbread hell is a burqini, you ask?

i do the ny times crossword puzzle just about every day. hey, there are worse addictions out there.
yesterday i decided to try my hand at the ny sun puzzle.
man, was it was a killer.

my favorite answer: BURQINI
clued as MUSLIM WOMAN'S SWIMWEAR, which i only got by the crossings.

turns out it's a word coined by combining burqa, the traditional head-to-toe covering for Muslim women,


with bikini.

(from wikipedia: "According to the official version, the modern bikini... was named after Bikini Atoll, the site of nuclear weapon tests... in the Marshall Islands, on the reasoning that the burst of excitement it would cause would be like the nuclear device." )






now, if the mental image of a burqa clad surfer isn't funny to you, i really can't do a thing to help you out. but you might at least admit that burqini is a clever word. no?
a fine, fine invention for all concerned.



here is an awesome story about a female, australian, muslim lifeguard. (irony rocks)
she not only has a cool name (ms. laalaa), she wears a burqini while being a good, allah-fearing social activist. now that's my kinda gal.
the puzzle constructor, Francis Heaney, says s/he(? ) began creating the puzzle after reading that article.

holy moly! this all makes me wanta go to the beach and check out the -qinis.
and the-kinis, too.
Read more!

Got an email from the daughter today.

Subject: today in history
Body: 1920: US Postal Service rules children may not be sent via parcel post

I laughed out loud. did you?



then, i decided to google ‘parcel post’ because, well... because i’m a n3rd.

This here’s what wikipedia has to say about it:

“Mailing human beings has been forbidden by regulation since 1914. This was done following the delivery of at least three people, including a two year old boy mailed from Oklahoma to Kansas for 18 cents.”

oh those okies. ahahahahahaha
i laughed heartily at that. (personally i want to know who the dirtwads were who mailed the kids and where the fuck they were sent. did they make it there ok? inquiring minds want to know!)



THEN… i got an email from the son.
(he works at the Ralph W. Steen Library at Stephen F. Austin State University as a “digital projects specialist.” )
more about that here, if you give a shit: way cool web site - Texas Tides

Anyway...the aforementioned daughter worked in the son’s office last semester and she was recruited to *star* in this video.

ain’t she classy?!



...oh.
yeah, right, I was gonna tell you about the email i got from the son?…ok. i'm on it.

it was a link to another video. i assume it was a sound check for the above video. (the son is the laughing guy in the background.)
here it is.



at this point, i laughed my ass off.
(and i STILL can’t find my ass.)

lllllater, kiddos.

p.s. life can suck all it wants to, but it'll never suck the pleasure out of a parent's love for their children. amen.


p.p.s.

Word O' the Day = STERCORACEOUS
As in? "what in the cornbread hell were you thinkin‘, Cletus? you cain’t blame everthang on the mercury! yer absolutely stercoraceous."

(presumably it’s an underused, albeit legitimate word and not a-tall synonymous with CRAPULOUS ) Read more!

an R-rated blog entry? well, why the fuck not?

*disclaimer*
if you’re offended by bawdy humor and/or gag at corny jokes, you’d best git out while the gittin's good. (psst...that would be NOW, turkey.)
also, i'm still experimenting with formatting here. hopefully that'll improve someday.

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& so, without further adieu, we now present the funny cartoon of the day from cyanide and happiness…

what in the cornbread hell is wrong with you? *I* think it's ffffunny.


and this is just waaay cool. every little boy's dream. have you heard of the Sony x-ray camcorder filter?…

The ADXIR filter has adjustable exposure capabilities which will allow x-ray vision even in the brightest sunlight condition, no other filters on the market will perform as well. The ADXIR filter is included with your purchase of our camcorder.

hmmm...i guess it can only see through one layer? or maybe only certain types of fabric?

this next one was neither photoshopped nor taken with the X-ray camera lens. Buffy apparently wore this see-through blouse on purpose. wtf?






speaking of fabric, how 'bout some r-rated t-shirt art?

and speaking of little boys...oh, they do learn young...



moving on...............

a friend of mine sent me this link as a joke.
well, at least I THINK he was joking…hmm? (edit: that link is apparently broken right now, but it is a hilarious and somewhat disturbing site spoofing(?) cyber relationships. it's called *www.imaginarygirlfriends.com.*
men can supposedly go there and set up fake relationships with an algorithm to impress their friends and family. OH MY! i laughed my ass off.)

…anyway, i sent a message back to him with this link to let him know i had already taken control of the situation, thank you very much.

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this next one is actually pg-rated, but somehow i kinda think it fits in here.








now, what kind of sucker would have dared to have invested in that company? huh?













in order to balance the ratings thing out, this one is X-rated. and just too funny not to insert.



hahahahaha. oh, kramer... and GEORGE!!! puhleeze!











i think i’ll leave you alone now, but first let me impose a couple really corny jokes on you. OK…ready?

does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? *groan*

and why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
(don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

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in closing, let me just say,


and allow me to add this fine pair of r-rated napkins,













in the interest of fairness, samuel l. jackson and i now proudly present to you.....the “i has a cheeseburger” cuirass.

(at first i had *bra* typed in there, but cuirass is my new favorite word recently learned from the crossword world.)



















ahahahahaha




gosh, i hope i didn’t scare you off due to the high ricoculosity factor of this post…things may get better.

or maybe not?




.........Coming Soon on What In The Cornbread Hell? an extra special, 6 Degrees of Separation edition of the blog.


that's all for now folks... and happy golfing.

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the strange tale of 2 pianists

i'm sure you've heard of nora the piano playing cat by now. she's just awesome.



if you liked that there are more videos of her here.

now this next pianist is as cute as nora, but much more amazing and, well, just downright inspiring. please check this young lady out.

does that put things in PERSPECTIVE for you?
(i'll be talking to myself here again in a day or two. see y'all later, rick) Read more!

howdy folks

well, since i nixed the mosaicist blog, the mumblecrust saga and the myspace page, i've lost quite a few more decibels of hearing, my sister found out she has cancer and i can't do a goddam thing about it.
since then hundreds of more americans and iraqis have died and been maimed, my brother in law finally went into rehab and some slutty singer either just got out or went back in - i'm not really sure...but i'm personally doin a-ok. thanks for asking.


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